Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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