OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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