i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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