theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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