3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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