I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
