Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
