my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
