I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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