I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
