She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
