the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
