Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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