You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
