best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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