Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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