i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
