She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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