Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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