So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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