Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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