hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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