Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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