everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Success! We fucked roommates!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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