you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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