She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
