They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
