I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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