I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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