just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
