What did we do last night that was yellow?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
