He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
