You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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