here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
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The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
