Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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