Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
