We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
