No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
