I accidentally burped into my bong.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
