It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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