Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
