I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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