Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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