i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
