why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
