So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
