When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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