thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
