Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
