sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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