There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
