I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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