if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
